11.05.2014

Vulnerable



I must just pour my heart out today. here. I've been working so hard these past few months, I haven't had too much time to do a lot of personal reflection. and i love reflecting. I have loved sharing my personal journey here in this space, which has included leaving Florida, moving abroad to Australia, changing careers, and settling into a new place in my own country that may never fit quite as perfect as the tropical paradise I grew up in. 

I spoke with an awesome friend and fellow artist in Australia earlier this week who gave me a kick in the butt I really needed. Sending something very special via snail mail, I almost died with happiness when I opened it! We skyped, he smiled, and even though we only met for a short period in Fiji, he said some words of encouragement that I will always cling to. 

Side note: It blows my mind to think how much we each bounce around the world, crashing into each other, and if we make the decision to allow ourselves to be vulnerable- the inspiration we can draw from one another will blow our minds! 

I've been obsessed with photographing waves lately because they are so symbolic of the last 2 years of my life, that life just keeps crashing. Nothing stops time. Some moments it's all felt a little exhausting, all this change in the last 2 years. There are times I've felt discouraged, rejuvenated, steady, excited, misunderstood, and at almost all points in this journey, vulnerable. I listened to a podcast online yesterday by Brene Brown that talked about vulnerability and it was so powerful. 

"Vulnerability is not weakness, it's courage. It's defined as emotional risk, uncertainty, and it fuels our lives. It's our most accurate measurement of courage. It's the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change. To "create" is to make something that has never existed before. There is nothing more vulnerable the than that. Adaptability to change- there is nothing more vulnerable than that."

There have been more haters than lovers, (and to be vulnerable yet again) I've felt moments of feeling completely broken from my own thoughts and from other's words. However, I have learned two things:

That sometimes it takes being broken to really move into a new space of life emotionally, spiritually etc. that you were always meant to be

and 

Whatever feelings I felt, I chose to let those circumstances affect me. It's no one's fault but my own that I ever feel discouraged. 

And I have no shame saying all this. In fact, I feel bad for those people who discouraged me, were rude to me in my state of vulnerability. Maybe they were on their own journey, I'm not sure? But maybe they were afraid to take their own courageous leap. If you find yourself always comparing yourself to others, feeling bad feelings you can't explain when other succeed around you, or discouraging another person who is stepping out (even if it's passive aggressively), STOP! Recognize that they are leaping and their level of vulnerability actually shows how courageous they are! And if you are reading this, and you are the one leaping- be encouraged. BE CREATIVE. create. Their is a beautiful authenticity not only in the journey but in what you make in the end. 

And I am happy to say, I have arrived in that new place I've longed to be for so long. It feels like I moved into a new house and I'm just getting my mental shelves organized. And this new "house" I'm in includes the sound of crashing waves.

Portra 400 | Contax 645 | Scans by Film Box